I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies for the hardest victory is over self.
During the last few weeks, I found myself participating in a challenge that few men and women can ever hope to complete. A long journey; 26 days into the making as I write this sentence.
Impossible, a 10 letter word that limits us from achieving the deepest of goals that the world has to offer. A barrier, often higher than ourselves, in between the things we want the most. But with the removal of two letters, the wall becomes translucent. An invitation. A key unlocking the door of success.
It's perhaps the most important question we can ever ask ourselves. Do we live life with, or without those two beginning letters? During the last few weeks, I found out my answer to that. My challenge, no fap march.
Masturbating. It's like picking our nose, dancing in the dark/shower, listening to powerful 80's romantic love ballads. We all do it. We just don't like to admit it. When we are at home along, we're comfortable with these things. But when we're in public, in the middle of a restaurant, we wouldn't dare do these activities. I'm sure we wouldn't even admit it to some of our friends.
But they are different in their own ways. Picking our nose and listening to those powerful Bonnie Tyler pieces are things that we need to do in life. We can stop ourselves from doing so during the few hours we're out in public, but we all do it the minute we get home. Masturbating is like that. Except we don't need to masturbate.
It's something that we all probably can't imagine ourselves not doing. But what if we tried? On March 1st, I began trying.
It would be a lie if I said I started intentionally. It was a mere accident at first. My eyes drooping, the limbs weak, I couldn't wait to plop into my bed that night. Usually I make it a routine to masturbate, but I was so tired, I didn't put up a fight.
And ring, ring, ring. My alarm clock goes off. And it's March 2nd. Just like that. I didn't masturbate for a whole day. And the same thing happened again that following night.
It's hard to explain, but sometimes we just know in life when we find something special. We might be eating cake in a cake shop, when suddenly a gorgeous red head speckled with freckles will walk in and sit down across from us. Her smile will make your cheeks match her hair color, and that's when you know. Special.
Or perhaps when you find a new McDonalds and order your same exact meal as always. But when you sit down and open your box of chicken nuggets, things are different. You bite in, and a satisfying crisp lets out. The breaded crust, the all white meat chicken coupled with barbecue sauce enters your mouth, and your eyes momentarily close in pure euphoria. Special.
When I woke up on March 3rd, I knew I had something special. Three whole days without masturbating. But as with trips to Disney World, hot showers and Chinese buffets, all good things have to come to an end. I would be a lair if I said the "im" in impossible never crossed my mind during this journey. I remember it clearly. Not masturbating became a difficult task, almost impossible. And on that day, I blew it. Figuratively and literally.
And I suppose that could have been the end. "No Fap March" ended on March 4th. But I knew it didn't have to be this way. Such a test of willpower, endurance and manhood doesn't have to be limited to 30 day intervals. "Fuck it" I said, as I decided to continue on my journey after my setback.
The next few weeks were quite a blur. The first days of my journey were crystal clear, chapters into a new lifestyle remembered perfectly. But the middling days were muddled. They were marked by inconsistency. Brief moments of clarity and will destroyed by weakness and thoughts of impossibility. After tallying things, the count of clean days vs masturbating days are at 12-14.
It's not the 26 that I hoped for. But that's the thing in life. You win some, you lose some. But it's absolutely true when they say that you miss all the shots that you don't take. I'm glad I took this shot this month, and I will continue this throughout my life. I'm sure I will never reach the point where I don't have to masturbate ever again, but then again, anything is possible. That's what this journey taught me.
Thank you for reading