The OmieVirus Edition

Written by JoeyJay

Lost all my Photobucket stuff so use you imagination and Imagine a Times Picture here


Written by JoeyJay

Cinna's Bark Box

Written by RobsDad

I'm Cinna, which should be fairly obvious because who else is this fetching, but things often have to be spelled out for some of you. This is my Bark Box, the most pawesome portion of previous times issues. Thanks for bringing this section back, I'll let you rub my belly later. I'm currently not on much because I sleep like a 90 year old and have Game of Thrones to watch. I know most of you are devastated and have no purpose without me, but don't worry I'm sure I'll be back for a tail-wagging good time eventually. Anyways, lets [play catch] up with whats going on in the game. Lets get the (tennis) ball rolling.

KingRey and QueenEagle of Higher Standards were both killed by Higher Standards...We like to kill each other. We bite more than we bark (and we bark a lot). Also, Rey (before he died) and Omie both hit 50...what is happening? Amazing things can happen when you higher your standards. ;) Leading things with 2085 kill points. The fam in the second spot is the bootcamp fam, No Standards, following with 580 points...#HigherStandards

In other news, Panther of DiasporaWhoevers has been backfire wasted twice by Beth and Helt. So unless he/she/it has been fed, could probably be killed now. Also some hedgehog(Apparently previous named Courtney) killed a couple Rough Nation people. Apparently her and Clarke are dating. Oh internet love. I think Dylan had clark in his name once. She was probably going for a wipe, but that didn't work out so well. Also as I'm writing this she is saying she has hired on on someone from the bootcamp fam. Things might get ruff. This is what she has to say in response to those in main:

You say I'm gonna get slaughtered yet, I've already made 2 kills in the space of 12 hours, I'm about to make another 4 out of pure spite, watch and laugh... It so funny... People will learn...
2 kills u made 1 killl and begged for bullets for the other 1
like my 5 day stock beats your 60 day stock back the fk up
havent bught creds this round yet or would dont need creds to out stock him though

So many cocky people to die. Kokoro says they haven't bought credits, but lets be honest, we all know thats a lie.
Hedgehog followed up with her haters with this image, apparently Clarke and others have fed her bullets. Either that or photoshop is cool.

When asked, Hedgehog produced this information as to his upcoming plans:

yolopro made his way onto that list too
RobsDad, it would appear tonight I have had a bunch of people gang up on me, that bunch of people are about to have my 368K bullets shared between them... One of whch is Prayers... another being Kokoro when be/she is out of protection, that annoying ImBaaacck thing, whatever that is and finally

After all this talk and threatening No Standards, Hedgehog was one shotted by their member before she shot, as was her underboss Katana, dropping the fam. So much for that 368k. Yawn. Clarke, mourning his loss and impending death decided to kill himself. Good job NoStandards

Azy (Kokoro) is annoying af and wants a shoutout saying "azy likes pork chop." Unfortunately...Im pork chop.

Rey is currently throwing a temper tantrum and has left Higher Standards, the family that has made him this round, to make his own family The Empire. Don't join his fam or let him fool you, he will always bleed red.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ANYONE THAT WANTS TO HIT 40: Unless you are Akasha (She's awesome) or her direct people (or Higher Standards ofc) you will need to buy a 40 pass to be able to hit 40 and live. All others will be shot. PM KingEagle to arrange payments.

Anyways...make sure you harass whoever the editor is for Cinna's Bark Box for an ongoing pawty.
Bonus points if you send in a help request telling mike to un-ban KingEagle from being editor.


Public Service announcment

Written by JoeyJay

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the shop, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, rugby, sex, cars, sex, football, sex, fishing, sex, cricket or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. If you thought the film juvenile and violent then I will have thoroughly enjoyed it.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2017, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like taking out the rubbish and then wandering around the garden with a beer, wondering when to have a barbecue.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

Akasha's new job

Written by JoeyJay

Akasha's First Day of her new job.

After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, a good find for many grandparents easy hours and stuff, unfortunately Akasha lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:
About two hours into her first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, chavy woman walked into the store along with her two kids, shouting and swearing at them all the way through the entrance.
As Akasha had been instructed, she said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
She then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly chav woman stopped swearing long enough to say, "Don't be fucking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
Akasha replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone fucked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
Akasha's Supervisor said she probably wasn't cut out for this line of work, and should stick to being a Gangster.

Thank you

Written by JoeyJay

Thank you For Reading Hope you enjoyed, and please do keep them shout ous coming. And any news you got no matter how small I can and might use in the Times.