New week new times

Written by Semtex

Sorry about not posting this weeks times on Monday as i did not have the time to play GN but im back now so use guys keep me updated on stuff that has happened recently and i hope yous are enjoying this round peeps Starting off with jokes and the start of Competition good luck ?

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Just a few dirty jokes to start the week

Written by Semtex

Handjob
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Flaslight
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Sexual Exhaustion
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Blowjobs For Money
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

Police Officer
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"

Jokes

Written by Semtex

Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.


A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."


Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

Competition

Written by Semtex

Ok guys, I am organizing a competition for 12 credits

First one to get the most answers right will receive the credits on Friday.

1) When did Gangster Nation first come live?
2) What is the owners name?
3) People born between about 1960-1980 are often referred to as Generation what?
4) In which country is Timbuktu?
5) What was the first family called this round?
6) What were the original names of the London stations Arsenal and White City?
7) Where is the registered office for Gangster Nation?

Send your answers to me (Fallen) by Thursday, 13th February 2014.

Competition 2

Written by Semtex

1. "So the next day, my father went to see him; only this time with Luca Brasi. An' within an hour, he signed a release, for a certified check for $1000. [Kay: "How'd he do that?"] My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse. [Kay: "What was that?"] Luca Brasi held a gun to his head and my father assured him that either his brains, or his signature, would be on the contract. That's a true story. That's my family, Kay, it's not me."
Person 1: They're armed.
2. erson 2at was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Person 1: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
3. For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster. To me that was better than being president of the United States. To be a gangster was to own the world.
4. The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.
5. Sorry boys, all the stitches in the world can't sew me together again. Lay down... lay down. Gonna stretch me out in Fernandez funeral home on Hun and Ninth street. Always knew I'd make a stop there, but a lot later than a whole gang of people thought... Last of the Moh-Ricans... well maybe not the last. Gail's gonna be a good mom... New improved Carlito Brigante... Hope she uses the money to get out. No room in this city for big hearts like hers... Sorry baby, I tried the best I could, honest... Can't come with me on this trip, Loaf. Getting the shakes now, last call for drinks, bars closing down... Sun's out, where are we going for breakfast? Don't wanna go far. Rough night, tired baby... Tired...


So guys this issue holds our quote the movie comp.. simple rules read the 5 famous gangster movie quotes and tell me what film they are from. There is $1,000,000 prize for the person who get the most correct in the fastest time. Good luck guys to claim prize please message me or Roxy and no cheating ?

Thanks :)

Written by Semtex

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