Funny Times By Semtex And His Followers

Written by Semtex


Thankyou for all of your votes I will keep yous all posted in events as its my job as times editor please vote on the page and gave me feed back on how I did as this will help me to progress on making my Times better as I post more and more stuff it gets harder as theres hardlys anything to write if yous could keep things intresting with in the game it would really help me thank you very mutch and please continue reading down the page.

Little Video Before We Start

Written by Semtex

Hey Guys/Girls thanks for reading my times I have really put a lot of work into this to keep it interesting but I really couldn't of done it with out my contributors so please give a thanks to them as they help me keep yous guys interested (THANKS)


The Obituary

Written by Semtex

Day 48, 04:32:57 PM, LeslieChow (The Rebel Alliance)
The reincarnation of Ichigo - LeslieChow - dies in backfire from Shanks. A tremendous miscalculation of bullets leading to this death. I can tell you, seeing this unfold in real life was a laugh! That's what you get for being too cocksure when taking out someone six levels lower than yourself! LeslieChow departs with the vow of not returning until, at least, next round.

Day 48, 06:48:47 PM, Fahimchy (No Family)
A Level 9, freshly out of protection and without the backing of a family, dies here.

Day 48, 06:56:00 PM, ToldYOu (No Family)
Previously FuSiOn, ToldYOu starts a short string of Suicides.
Day 48, 09:48:05 PM, Teen (No Family)
A Level 1 also choosing Suicide.
Day 49, 03:36:47 AM, Infinity (No Family)
A Level 2 follows the footsteps of ToldYOu and Teen.

Day 49, 11:43:28 AM, DeathDealer (No Family)
Known to some as Instinct, DeathDealer dealt himself a dodgy hand it seems!
Day 49, 10:50:24 PM, Kinggy (Surreal Consequences)
This model of Rey, survived quite a few assassinations this round. His backfire was eventually overcome, however, by SubZero. This is the start of a few SubSequent deaths. (See what I did there? ? No? Okay!)

Day 50, 01:03:59 AM, Hello (No Family)
Level 3, Suicide. A short second life for EliteRobin... also Suicide!

Day 50, 01:51:06 AM SubZero (No Family)
Dubbed "The Betrayer" by members of New Age Outlaws, the story of SubZero is one known to many. Previously Anonymous and DemonHunter this round, SubZero had quite some fun shortly before his death. On becoming VIP of NAO, he swiftly departed along with their family bank of, somewhere in the region of, $128-135 Million! He took Kinggy down quickly also and expressed plans to start on the NAO Family. Boss at the time, Whitenamese was having none of it and fired - successfully killing SubZero before he could restock. SubZero has returned with a vengeance as TheDentist with his sights trained on the Leaders of NAO!
Day 50, 03:30:07 AM, Cyborg (No Family)
A Level 6, taken as an easy kill.
Day 50, 06:31:44 AM, Whitenamese (New Age Outlaws)
Whitenamese was left with a low bullet count after taking out SubZero and, being Boss of his family, this placed him in a critical position. This is where Jinpachi joins the fray, taking - in his words - "A weak, easy kill". This death created ripples amongst both The Rebel Alliance and New Age Outlaws, and both families were, seemingly, at each others throats. More on that when Jinpachi dies! Whitenamese returned as DRUNKDESMOND.

Day 50, 07:20:47 AM, Fungi (No Family)
Level 21, dies in backfire.

Day 50, 02:16:04 PM, Carolina (Panthers Elite)
Widely known as Beth, Carolina took the hit at Level 34. As the Boss of the new Panthers Elite without an Underboss, PE was forced to disband. This started a sudden string of high level deaths.
Day 50, 02:16:13 PM, chaos (Panther Elite)
A largely respected character, chaos also dies, with a respect count of 227. For a Level 42 to survive for that amount of time outside of Surreal Consequences is quite the achievement. chaos returns as Soloman.
Day 50, 02:16:30 PM, immortal (No Family)
Previously Teddy and Ted this round, immortal is the last to fall in quick succession here.

Day 50, 02:27:22 PM, WalkerStark (Surreal Consequences)
Originally Walker, Level 50. WalkerStark only made it to level 23 this time before dying in backfire.

Day 50, 02:55:30 PM, Bronson (No Family)
Another Level 3 commited Suicide.

Day 50, 03:15:10 PM, Trollingking (No Family)
A Level 1, picked off for a Butchie Bounty.
Day 50, 04:30:44 PM, LUckyU (Panthers Elite)
Known as Spite earlier in the round and Cushy in the previous. LUckyU had restarted Panther Elite... again. What's that, three times now? He was boss for 1 hour 25 minutes before being killed! This Level 24 was added to the list of Day 50's kills. Returned as LUckkyU.

Day 50, 05:30:50 PM, Damu (Gehenna)
Gehenna lost their highest level player here. Damu - one of Onky's many, many lives - died in backfire against his first target.

Day 50, 07:51:38 PM, White (New Age Outlaws)
A Level 1 accepted into NAO very soon after Whitenamese's death. I think White was mistaken as the rebirth of Whitenamese. He was silent in chat and committed Suicide without a single word.

Day 50, 08:11:53 PM, Plainy (Surreal Consequences)
Plainy starts the last run of deaths for Day 50. Plainy started back on Day 8 and had his stint in The Times early on - his last copy being the Christmas Edition. Another largely, widely respected player.
Day 50, 09:16:34 PM, Lies (Surreal Consequences)
Lies, another member - albeit low level - of Surreal Consequences dies today. Killed by Dignitas.
Day 50, 09:20:41 PM, Dignitas (Panther Elite)
Previously PredatoR, HydrogeN and ChoKe this round, his luck didnt change for his fourth attempt. All characters ending as a kill! This death, caused by Head, leaving Panthers Elite without an Underboss, once again.
Day 50, 09:30:32 PM, Pure (No Family)
Much like Dignitas, Pure had similar luck. This was his fifth attempt this round! Pure followed in the footsteps of LambShank, 2by4, Gramps and 2dogs. Gramps being his highest at a pretty impressive Level 40.
Day 50, 11:46:47 PM, Bruno3 (Panthers Elite)
newaki fires and kills Bruno 3, there goes Panthers Elite again! That was quick work, this was the last of Day 50's deaths! I congratulate anyone who survived this Doomsday!

Day 51, 12:17:22 AM Wutang (No Family)
Day 51, Suicide day it seems! Five of these today! Wutang, Level 1, started the dominoes.
Day 51, 01:34:31 AM, dexii (No Family)
118 respect out of 69 transactions and Level 36. A strange Suicide here...
Day 51, 02:05:20 AM, CupCake (No Family)
The second Level 1 to fall to Suicide today. This character got a medal at least!

Day 51, 12:01:49 PM, Balerion (No Family)
The return of Damu! (Onky's ninth life this round!) Died in backfire, it's nice to shake things up a little sometimes... Oh wait, that's what happened 6 other times! Came back, once again, as BFWFun. Frankly, I'm disappointed he wasn't BetterThanACat!
Day 51, 02:16:48 PM, Herbie (No Family)
The return of Erby, with a vendetta on agdgdgdgwngo. Only to be killed once again! Now zigzag.

Day 51, 05:47:16 PM, shades (No Family)
Oops, another Suicide for today. A Level 8, this time.

Day 51, 09:10:40 PM, Brownie (No Family)
Brownie had a shot at New Age Outlaws' Underboss Roxy. The inner workings of NAO acted quickly however, alerting Roxy to the threat, even with her offline! Brownie died in the backfire and Roxy dusted herself off with NAO at her back.

Day 51, 10:29:19 PM, Vincent (Surreal Consequences)
Return of Plainy. Level 25 Suicide. Concluding Day 51's deaths.
Day 52, 12:02:05 AM, Heisenberg (No Family)
Suicide happening very early today. Level 15.

Day 52, 08:15:21 AM, Noxious (No Family)
Another Butchie Bounty picked up.

Day 52, 08:46:48 AM, OMiee (No Family)
A backfire death on a Level 8. A little ambitious, perhaps?

Day 52, 03:12:45 PM, Cat (No Family)
ReceivedMulti Recipients Day 52, 03:12:40 PM from Cat
You'll be missed little guy! R.I.P

Day 52, 06:26:37 PM, Transporter (The transporters)
Transporter was killed today, his Slots Machine now owned by 000. Mousie is rumoured to be the shooter. The transporters family following suit in the disbanded families for lack of Underboss.

Day 52, 08:27:51 PM, Avalanche (The Rebel Alliance)
Avalanche committed Suicide shortly before the destruction of The Rebel Alliance.

Day 52, 10:58:46 PM, jinpachi (The Rebel Alliance)
After almost three days of dodging detectives, jinpachi was finally found! The end of this story following almost instantly. New Age Outlaws was not accepting the loss of their Boss and hunted jinpachi to extinction. Sammiee being the executioner with leads, information and help coming from fellow NAO members, members from within The Rebel Alliance itself and a certain someone who knows jinpachi in real life! - Me?! Surely not! (sneaky) Returning a few hours later as DevilJin, his reaction to death surprisingly dull...

Day 53, 11:44:00 AM, tonystark (No Family)
Another little string of Suicides. Level 3.
Day 53, 11:53:36 AM, virgin (No Family)
Level 1, Suicide.
Day 53, 12:39:02 PM, Roman (No Family)
Level 13, Suicide.

Day 53, 01:44:47 PM, OPENFANNY (No Family)
Shall I make a joke on this backfire? Best not.

Day 53, 02:26:46 PM, IKE (No Family)
A high roller Level 3 was targeted by shitstain, only to spend almost every penny before the shots were fired!

Day 53, 02:51:08 PM, OGgy (No Family)
Yet another Suicide. Level 3.

Day 53, 09:15:55 PM, Homer (No Family)
Butchie Bounty collected once again.
Day 53, 10:28:02 PM, CMT (Carl Matth Tend)
Known as RedBark in the previous round. Killed. Splitting the family Carl Matth Tend as there was no Underboss. Marking the end of Day 53.

Day 54, 03:10:55 AM, BFWFun (No Family)
Balerion's rebirth. Leaving us so soon Onky? How many's that? 10 this round, right? ?

Day 54, 11:14:52 AM, lionman (No Family)
You have witnessed lionman open fire on S4dko, however the target fired back and killed the shooter.

Day 54, 12:39:19 PM, LUckkyU (No Family)
LUckkyU begins today's Suicides. Level 18. Previously LUckyU and Spite this round.
Day 54, 06:03:49 PM, Shanks (Ghosts)
Not following up on any of his threats throughout his time on Gangster Nation, Shanks - before MonkeyDLuffy and RoronoaZoro - also committed suicide. Aiding many different family Blackjack Tables before leaving.
Day 54, 09:49:53 PM, Kurtiso (No Family)
A Level 6 who's been around since Day 26, follows suit.

Day 54, 10:44:43 PM, Monty (No Family)
And, finally, the latest development. Monty's death, I'm afraid I can't shed light on this as of yet.

All Deaths last week with a little detail.
Arctic *salute*

What people want to say

Written by Semtex




Bank Robbery

Written by Semtex

its time to get up and go to work again for many men in the office , or even a factory , but not us gangsters . Today is the day we play with ma new toy i got us from the army base ! ? i always wanted to drive a tank into a bank ...

strait to the safe and blow the fukin doors off , no hastle. we wont even need to pull a gun out at the cashier cuz she will all ready be lookin down a barrel of the tanks beast on arival. crapin her self not knowing what to do ...
you dont have to but blow her up if you want , but main object is money money money ....

what ever ya do save ammo for the main safe where $$$$$$$$$$$$ is kept ,

aim and fire


whys nuffink happening ????

semtex did u load up with enough bullets ?

" yes "

whys none fireing then ?

" urm ahhh,,, welll ... i fired a couple "


" ya mommas ass ! haha now take the safety catch off and blow the safe fukin doors off quick time ! police will be on there way soon and this thing aint a very quick get away !


The Elevator

Written by Semtex

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.


The Horse And The Chicken

Written by Semtex

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my penis and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

.Moral of the Story is: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.