Issue 100 - The best issue ever

Written by Ronaldodonut


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Table of Contents

Written by Ronaldodonut


1. A Short Conversation with LadyPurr - Fish

2. Something Funny - Fish

3. Gangster Jokes - Jagged

4. Five Air Conditioner Haikus - Ronald

5. Joining the Secret Service - Fish

6. Exclusive Jagged Interview Questions - Jagged

7. Jagged's Interview with Mike - Jagged

8. 39 Megapixel burger - Ronald

9. 2Chainz - A victim of the System - Ronald

10. Actual News - Fish

11. Ice Cream Bread - Ronald

12. Five More Air Conditioner Haikus - Ronald

13. African Jams - Ronald

14. About our writers

Also MrWayne and Ted would each like to have a 1 vs 1 against LadyPurr

A short conversation with LadyPurr

Written by Ronaldodonut

Fishted: Can I interview you for the special 100th edition of the times please?

LadyFknPurr: No thank you

Fishted: What does it feel like being the most hated person on the game?

LadyFknPurr: Tbh its great, loads of players work real hard to try to win that title and I get it with very lil effort

Fishted: Would you agree with me if i said you take the game a little too seriously?

LadyFknPurr: Me agree with you? When hell freezes over

Fishted: Anyways what is your favourite film carolina

LadyFknPurr: I like how you are slyly interviewing me after i told you no, but i guess its the Hangover movies simply because i went to school with Zach Galifianakis

Fishted: Wow thats amazing, were you two close?

LadyFknPurr: Lol not really he was a massive dork in school

Fishted: well i guess the tables have turned


-No reply given, end of conversation-

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Something funny

Written by Ronaldodonut

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Gangster Jokes

Written by Ronaldodonut



I saw two really fit bitches at the bus stop earlier, so in a bid to impress them I drove past really slowly with my window down and some gangster rap blaring out. All they did was point and laugh at me. Fuck knows why. I thought I looked really cool in my ice cream truck.



My gangster wife was insistent that I use her massive bum for shoplifting hats.
So I popped a cap in her ass.


The best joke:

The Disciples were looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police, they decided to use a deaf-mute person for this job because if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picked up over $40,000 and got greedy and decided to keep the money and stashed it in a safe place.

The Disciples soon realized that their collection was late and sent some of their gangsters after the deaf collector. When the gangsters found the deaf collector and asked him where the money was, the deaf collector couldn't communicate with them. So the mafia guys took the guy to a sign language interpreter.

The Disciples hood said to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."

The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"

The deaf man replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about".

The gangster pulled out a gun and placed it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW, ask him where the money is."

The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf man signed back, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."

The interpreter's eyes lit up and said to the gangster, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about and he doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."

Message me your best gangster jokes, if they are funnier than my best one you get $1MIL.

Five Air Conditioner Haikus

Written by Ronaldodonut




Air conditioners
Cool rectangular machines
Those are what they are


Air conditioners
In England they call them
Air cons, which is weird


Expensive cool air
Of course it's non other than
Air conditioners


To the left, left, left
Switch the air con directions
To the right, right, right


Air conditioners
How come they are always white?
Where are the black ones


Joining the Secret Service

Written by Ronaldodonut

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I decided to do some digging and find out how some known members of The Secret Service managed to get into the organisation. I cannot reveal their names for obvious security reasons, but here are some of the answers I received when I asked people how they joined:


"Well I wanted to kill someone due to boredom, but I wasn't sure who, so I asked a good friend of mine, the president, if there was anyone who he wanted me to kill. I was given a target to assassinate and told to write 'The Secret Service' as the last words when I shot. I successfully killed the target and thus became a member of the Secret Service."


"When I was a 17 year old high school student I had little idea that I would end up joining the Secret Service after I graduated. My grades were poor and my prospects were pretty dim (county college…which is where I eventually ended up, anyway). A close friend approached me one day with a plan that permanently altered the course of my life: we would join the service together, conquering the world as a team, living out the rest of our working lives before retiring at 38 years of age. It wasn't like I had anything else to do, so we set the wheels of fate in motion."


"'That’s not a good reason,' my step father would reiterate when I told him why I wanted to join the SS. Somehow the prospect of a steady paycheck and an early retirement never met his criteria for swearing an oath to defend the country. As a pimply high schooler still trying to figure out how to spell COLEGE, I didn’t get it. What was wrong with those reasons?
I joined anyway, not really knowing why except that my dad and step dad were both soldiers and I looked up to them. It wasn’t until basic training that I experienced the thrill of killing terrorists and knew this was the right place for me. I loved the service and all it stood for.
As my career progressed it was all about adventure, jumping out of planes, and vanquishing the enemies of my country. It wasn’t until after 9/11 that I discovered I was part of something bigger than myself that would have in impact on generations to come, which is what I’ll tell my sons when they’re deciding whether or not to join up."

Exclusive Jagged Interview questions

Written by Ronaldodonut



Try to sum up your day-to-day GN life.

Ted: Day to day I just stock, rank and have a laugh with my mates on the game.

Jagged: Well its hard to sum up because there is a lot… I usually try to get enough bullets from the scratch that I don’t need to waste money in ah. Then I stock atleast * bullets everyday, then I make some friends (and enemies) in chat.

MckaylaObama: I log in and I read all of the mail that I get, usually they are all from Jagged. I then check out the forums, see if there's anything fresh, but there's usually nothing.

KDot: -log on, be bored, listen to music, log off

AsapRocky: Well right now as I'm not playing it's pretty boring. Only get on and do Spins.




Describe yourself in 1 word and explain why.

Ted: Prick; cuz that’s what I am, CBA.

Jagged: Two-sided (IDK if that counts as one word or not but whatever); I am a douche to my enemies and a chatty, funny, charismatic ?

MckaylaObama: Hot for obvious reasons.

AsapRocky: Chill for obvious reasons.





Have you ever really screwed something up on GN? Like selling all your bullets for 1mil on accident? Please write about any times you really fucked up (on GN).

Ted: Summary (provided by jagged for your convenience): Yeah, I killed Ladypurr and dropped P.E. because I got killed by walker she got the ws and I fucked up and didn’t believe her turned out walker was cheating and if I hadn’t of got paranoid and took pro off and killed Beth strait away I would of got my level 50 account back all my bullets back and the family bank he stole back

Full story: walker had been acting funny with me for a few days , he kept asking my bullet count and am not arsed about dyeing so i told him strait, but i set my bf to 50k (i had about 900k) as i new that if he did shoot me he would only shoot if he had more bullets than i have lol and i was right , he left our fam started his own up and killed me got 2 bj's and 37 buisnesses, then ladypurr got the ws and killed him and got all the buisnesses and bj's , i asked her for a print screen of the ws and she never sent me one so i thought it was a set up, claimed all my bullets back from LI and jumped to level 35 and set dets on her then shot 700k.


Jagged: Yeah, alot…
#1 When the game started to do the “start multiple actions at the same time” thingy I found the glitch with it and did 400 auctions of 200 prison bribes (it was a glitch that I knew I shouldn’t have exploited after I finished) so I started to take them down but people had already bought like 200 of the 400 because I had them for really cheap… the bad part of the glitch was that I found out now I had -40k bribes. That was when I had my level 14 and mike said that was a consequence that I deserved for exploting it… (loophole time) So I asked him to fix the glitch that made it possible for people to have negative prison bribes… ?
#2 Fish had bowan kill me. I came back and asked them about it, bowan copped out fish. I killed them both. They both were bfwing me. I sent out my bullets. And csed. The person I sent them out to got killed cuz they helped me. I had to stock a lot then fish or bowan joined chokes fam or something like that… (somehow choke got involved) and had me killed. Then fish and bowan and I got to be friends … ?
#3 Losing 100k in rps… I was playing rps with somebody I think his name was wolf or something like that… then I was winning so I wanted to up the odds and I thought I put in 10k but I put in 100k. Then shitla played it and won ?. (I know you people don’t belive me about these bullet count numbers but this was before deathmatch and I was selling my bullets for 1.3mil per 1k and buying them for 700k so I got really rich and stocked.)
… There are more but I didn’t want to bore you.


MckaylaObama: There was this one time where I was going to shoot 210k bullets at someone, but I messed up and shot only 21,000. Got killed, it was quite a mess.


KDot: more than once i have clicked enter too quickly and shot less bls than i meant


AsapRocky: Yeah, I gambled all my lotto bullets and I stopped searching curran.






Who do you think the lead (best) players are in GN?

Ted;best players on the game, are everyone that doesn't take the game to heart and has fun and see's it as a game.

Jagged; The lead players are the level 50’s… The best players are people who don’t think that just because they are high level dosent mean they can be a douche about it … Its not like “I’m level 47 on gn” counts in the real world. I belive the best players are people who don’t take it too seriously and realize everyone on there are people and deserve respect (unless they are a douche to you first)…?

MckaylaObama: Probably PHX or Kitty. But that's factoring in the brilliant mind games that they play with other users. From a purely objective standpoint, I'd have to say Fish. Always so diligent and climbing the ranks, playing the game how it's designed.

KDot: whoever has the most free time and dedication

AsapRocky: LadyPurr, Darren, Tyler, Andrew, David.

Worst: Rey, Carl

Jagged's Interview With Mike

Written by Ronaldodonut

What was your inspiration for GN?

In school people were playing another browser game. I had an interest for web development so decided to build my own browser game, turned out to be a great learning exercise and is still here today!


What are you going to work on in the near future on GN?

Missions. Mobile interface.


How old were you when you discovered this was what you were going to do for a living?

Probably around 16-17 when I started taking days off 6th form to work at home. Most importantly is the point (also around then) when I decided I'm not going to get into debt and go to university to learn what I already know, but do my own thing instead.

What is your favorite accomplishment so far on GN? (1000 members?? 200 fb likes??)

Personally, I'm just happy to see that people visit from around the world to spend their time here, make friends here, play the game here. Just that the site is mildly successful is a great accomplishment to me.

In terms of stats, it would have to be the point when we saw 230 concurrent online players - many years ago now.

Is GN your only job? (or do you work at mcdonnalds lol)

No, I run another business with a friend where we do contract work in web design and development to get by. We're also building an online game called Theme Park Manager which should go into private beta for November.


What would you like GN to look like in 5 years?

I'd just like it to still be here. The website is stable so it's all about perfection now, it would be nice if people were still interested in playing for many years now. Of course we'll see the odd new feature too.

Most importantly, I'd like to have made a strong move into mobile by then. Native mobile and tablet apps.



Who do you consider the best characters?/or lead characters

The lead characters are those who are earning lots of kill points, ranking up high, running the top families. It's as simple as that!

If you had to choose a team of 7 gangsters who would you choose for and:

This is a bit random, I'm not very good of thinking up players so I'll do whatever comes to my head first! In fact, that would have been a better question... who comes to your head first for each of these:

Leader: Myself
Tough: Wayne
Ranking: LadyPurr
Stocking: Scotty
Gambling: TomJones
Scamming: Bruza
Chat spamming: You


What are a few major screw ups you have had during GN?

- In the past many years ago, there would often be bugs in the site as I was new to web development. These days as you can tell it's very stable but there used to be all kinds of security flaws!

- At one point, many years ago, the site went down for days after messing some things up on the finance side and getting cut off by our hosting provider for not paying our bill that month (the bills were relatively big back then too).

What was your major "oh shit" moment?
(like when that guy blocked out access for GN for 5 min)

That was not an "oh shit" moment. That was a laughable moment because he was claiming in chat that he had hacked into the site, that he found a flaw in our server software - both complete rubbish. It was a typical (D)DoS attack and with one email to our hosting provider, the issue was resolved within minutes and the attacks no longer continued. Most of those attacks are easy to handle once they come in, only the very largest become difficult to handle. All websites are suspectable to that kind of attack and any script kiddy with a bit of money to pay for botnet usage can launch one. Simple stuff.

I can't think of an "oh shit" moment.

Why are you so awesome?

Because awesome people are awesome. Why are you so awesome?

Are you more black (african amarican) or puple or a smerf?

I'm definitely more african american, any of my friends will tell you this.

Would you rather bang psychokitty or ladypurr?

Option 3: Your Mom.

39 megapixel burger

Written by Ronaldodonut

Click the link below to see an absolutely stunning 39 megapixel picture of a burger. Almost better quality than real life.



http://c767204.r4.cf2.rackcdn.com/3016377b-e8ee-4b21-b2bd-17f8ba8dcffc.jpg


And in other news, Mexico has surpassed USA as the fattest country in the world.

2Chainz - A victim of the system

Written by Ronaldodonut

A GN Times Exclusive


On July 12 2013, aka Day 99, a fellow user named 2Chainz was arrested on one count of benefit fraud. Taken away in the rough streets on Detroit, nobody batted an eye as he was hauled away in the backseat of a police cruiser. Another failure in the life transition between childhood and adulthood.


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Another statistic.



2Chainz was found guilty without a judge of jury. Sentenced to jail for 25 seconds without parole. Left to rot and die old. Another statistic.

"Another criminal," you may say. It's not such a baseless accusation. In the dangerous world of America nicknamed "Gangster Nation," crime is the only way to go. Small crimes. Vehicle theft. Extortion. These are just some of the many things that the young urban youth do for fun today.

But what if I told you 2Chainz was innocent? Not a victim of his environment's persuasive and dangerous culture, but rather a victim of lies. Police arrest quotas. Discrimination. Evil.


Because let's face it, a guy named 2Chainz? That's a name that isn't quite frequent on the blocks of Wall Street. You don't think of a man in suit and tie when you hear 2Chainz. You think of a criminal, or perhaps a hip hop recording artist, with 2 chains.

You think of guilt.



But let's backtrack to the beginning for a moment here. To where it all started.

This story came to fruition when our world class GN times research team heard 2Chainz's cries for help.


[12:47:57 AM] <2Chainz> jazzegblade bust me.

[12:50:03 AM] <Jazzegblade> what wrong cuz

[12:50:19 AM] <2Chainz> I have been incarcerated by a member of the police enforcement for a criminal act in which I did not partake in. I need assistance in removing myself from this prison location

[12:50:40 AM] <Jazzegblade> tight


Our prime time investigators caught up with 2Chainz and received this exclusive interview afterwards.

[12:51:59 AM] <AndersonCooper> Can you tell me your whole story?

[12:52:04 AM] <2Chainz> hey i stay in jail. everything i do i get locked up

[12:52:35 AM] <2Chainz> i bet ya ive been in the jail over 2k times. i cant do nothing without getting busted. its cool but it sucks. but hey 3hots n a cot im good lmao (3hots n a cot is referring to three hot meals and shelter)

[12:53:50 AM] <2Chainz> hell im just ranking up. fuck da police. thats how i feel. shoot at those bitches. its 187 til i die baby

[12:53:58 AM] <AndersonCooper> So they harass you all the time?

[12:54:41 AM] <2Chainz> oh they dont harass me they just throw the cuffs on me when they see me

[12:55:16 AM] <2Chainz> its like ima threat to the 5-0. which i guess you could say thats true. i hate police.

[12:55:34 AM] <AndersonCooper> But do you actually commit any crimes?

[12:56:21 AM] <2Chainz> ohh noo. naaa i dont do anything illegal now. lmao

[12:56:46 AM] <2Chainz> the police are just a bunch of whores



Powerful words. 2Chainz is just one of many that we think are getting screwed by this system that we live in. Guilty until proven innocent. With no chance of getting proven innocent.

As our team interviewed 2Chainz, we couldn't help but feel moved. Each word out of his mouth ripe with emotion and power. This is a man that is losing everything that works so hard for. A man stereotyped by his name and speaking methods. A man who doesn't deserve any of it.


He is a victim of the system. Soon to be another statistic.

Actual News

Written by Ronaldodonut

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On Day 97, xsynchrome extorted around $6,000,000 USD from Rubiks. Rubiks went a little crazy and put a bounty on his head for $32,000,000.

Renegade decided to shoot 50k bullets at xsynchrome, hoping to claim the $32m reward but died in backfire, so Fishted stepped in and finished him off with 11k bullets, taking the money from bounties along with $5m cash that xsynchrome was carrying around at the time.

Fishted had the taste of blood at that point, and decided to shoot 10k bullets at the first high roller he found, SteveLolz, but died in backfire - EleGance then shot an unknown number of bullets and managed to kill SteveLolz, taking all his money and his bullet store in NY.

xxPHXx also shot at smokey100 on Day 99, it is unknown how many bullets were fired, or why she decided to shoot at him but we do know that smokey managed to kill PHX in backfire.

Ice Cream Bread

Written by Ronaldodonut

So for the special 100th issue of the times, I have decided to show you guys how to make the ever so delicious ice cream bread

For the sake of convenience, in my pictures and video, the amount of ingredients used will be considerably less than what the actual recipe will call for.


Ingredient list

- 1 cup of any flavor ice cream
- 3/4 cup self-rising flour
- Small amount of sugar for taste

*Self rising flour can be substituted with regular all purpose flour by adding in a teaspoon of baking soda and a pinch of salt


Directions

- Combine all ingredients into a bowl. Make sure you mix the ice cream and the flour very thoroughly.

- Bake in an oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. If you stick a toothpick in and it comes out clean, it's done


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The ingredients

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Ingredients partially mixed

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I used a brownie maker instead of an oven.

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In the brownie maker

[youtube=Ko_123KvjTg,0,0,480,390]
Taking it out and cutting it open

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In my mouth

Five more Air Conditioner Haikus

Written by Ronaldodonut



No air coming out
I switched it to the coldest
Oh but it's not on


Rectangular box
Equipped with circle switches
Air conditioner


Damn I am so hot
So I turn on my air con
Damn I am so cold


So useful, so nice
Until the leaves start falling
Then it is useless


Ninety five degrees
But then I flick your switches
Sixty five degrees

African Jams

Written by Ronaldodonut

A Beautiful African Song. One of my favorites

[youtube=4FY7Q__7t9c,0,0,480,390]

About our writers

Written by Ronaldodonut

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Fish was born in Manchester on the 19th March 1996. He was the second of five children and came from a family of high flyers - his grandfather had been an engineer and his mother had been a head teacher. Fish's sister is currently studying Law at a prominent university in England. There was a lot of pressure on him to become as successful as his previous family members but excessive playing of Gangster Nation may have significantly lowered his IQ. He still hopes to study Pharmacy in a few years time. Fish believe that it is important to stay positive all the time. Ignore all the bad elements and focus on the good. When Fish first heard about how exceptional this issue had to be, he did have doubt in his mind. But then he remembered - the editorial team behind the Times included inspirational people like the President of the United States, Fish, Napoleon Hill, Jagged, Ludwig Van Beethoven and more - this is when he realised we could actually pull it off. And that's exactly what we did.


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Ronald was born into a luxurious and easy life in the bright light city of New York. Finding himself simply overwhelemed with the multitude of things to do, he often resorts to wasting time on GangsterNation to cool himself down. He takes on the persona of a world leader in BarackObama and spends time crafting out intelligent and life changing time's articles to entertain and educate the youth worldwide. When he isn't killing his time on the computer, you can find Ron working out heavily or at his local chinese buffet.


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In 1990, Jagged was placed on planet earth by martians for the sole purpose of studying how to piss people off. In 2011, he found a place called Gangsternation.net that really allowed him to start developing his skills. And today, he is still pissing people off.